one more breath

(first draft)
December 8th 2007
I saw at class one day
Contorted in poses that makes normal people
Look as appealing
As the hunch back of notre dame
I felt your presence
Coursing through me as we
Made our way through the beginning,
The first series
Even at the tram
Your psyche was unmistakable

I yearned to take a step closer
Stack our bodies,
Enclose your waist in my hands
And our breath be one

Your face has create a haze
That i see the world through
I feel you with every smile
I take, with every welcoming thought
That swims through my brain

The universe has brought
Me the perfect entity
And I intend to never let you go

Our hands have barely touched
Our lips have yet to graze
Yet you fill up my dreams
And causings my synical heart
To believe in kindred spirits
And contemplate the possibility of
Love at first sight

My heart cannot answer my heart
But i know your lips can answer mine

I take a breath and let it go
And try to breathe you back into my life
Breathe you into my heart
Breathe you into my bed.

In the bath

Your love is a soap
I lather up and feel it seep into my pores
As it overwhelms me
The water of life washes it away
With you gone
All i have is a memory
Of what its like to be clean

Now i can see
The difference between the love of you
And the love of me
Without your hands
Foaming me up
Without your lips
Kissing me clean
I use my soap
To keep our memories clean
Because without it
It seems like
That bath
Was just a dream

This love
The love i have for me
Is how i can remember
The secret moments
shrouded in water
It is how i can love again
And always be clean

Finnish my heart

version 2
Finnish, my heart

The knowing is often harder than the experience of loss
No more occasional encounters
No more accidental smiles
And running to your house just to see the tram go bye
You listening to my boozy stories
As we talk our journey home
That Saturday was goodbye
And we never said hello

In the city of cultures
Our differences created our polar pull
And the possibility of nurturing a relationship
Changed like melbourne’s weather
It was unpredictable,
or at least I was,
four seasons in a day

My feelings rarely passed my lips
But my emotions
flooded my head and escaped
through my hands and eyes
But trying to read you, left me puzzled
And often thinking you were somewhere
Between cold and the bizarre

I could have held you
And felt your heart in my hand
Understood your expressions
And explored without guided translations
But with barred entry, I was left
Banging at the gates

A hundred footsteps apart
Our beds lie
Empty and alone
I yearned for you to take that leap
And keep me warm during those cold nights

You arms could have been my security
You lips, my comfort food
But the past seven months were memorable
And, forgettable

Now as it’s over
I keep you near the beating of my heart
As a guest you may stay
But with the armed distance you maintain
You never let yourself
Get closer than
The outside of my heart.


version 1
Finnish my heart
The knowing is often harder than the experience of loss
No more occasional encounters
No more accidental smiles
And running to your house just to see the tram go bye
You listening to my boozy stories
As we talk our journey home
That Saturday was goodbye
And we never said hello

In the city of cultures
Our differences created our distant-togetherness
And the possibility of nurturing a relationship
Changed like melbourne’s weather
It was unpredictable,
or at least I was,
four seasons in a day

My feeling rarely passed my lips
But my emotions
flooded my hands and eyes
But trying to read yours, left me puzzled
And often thinking you somewhere
Between cold and bizarre

I wish I could have held you
And feel your heart in my hand
Understood your expressions
And explore without guided translations

Our beds could have been one
Instead of empty and a hundred footsteps apart
I wish my lost swimsuit
Was a metaphor for the magic of that trip
When we were never a day apart

You arms could have been my security
You lips, my comfort food
The past seven months were memorable
Unfortunately, forgettable

Now as its over
I keep you near the beating of my heart
As a guest you may stay
But with the armed distance you maintain
You may never let yourself
Get closer than
The outside of my heart.

The end of the week

After a rather long work week, I still sitting at my work computer working on my first short story in a terrible long time. Because my computer decided two weeks ago that it was ready for retirement, I have resulted to long nights at my work desk doing non-work related stuff.
Since I just came back from a roadtrip, I am using that as the setting for this story and I am using one of my carmates as a starting point for the character; this person in particular was a source of annoyance, so I am using this as an opportunity to try and explore situations and backgrounds to impressed upon that may explain why she acts the way she does.

On a personal note, I am missing my friends. I am living in another country and all my "other" friends are oceans away. Their messages are like being inland and feeling the ocean's breeze; refreshing and teasing. It would be better if I was at the ocean. This leads me to not being super excited about going out tonight with my new friends. It seems the dynamic of our relationships, or lack their of, is becoming very routine. I know it takes two to tango, but sometimes I just wish I did not have to dance.

That being said, only positive thoughts and actual actions will get me out of this self-made slump.

Off to dinner and then drinks. I miss my wombie and danster and loser buttmuch head. I do get to see the Nutcracker tomorrow, the highlight of my week's end, and if I am lucky, a Swede!!

Beginning

Welcome to my blog. I am getting back into writing and hoping to become a published writer, non-fiction and fiction alike, in time.

I started "writing" when I was 12 years old and have dabbled in it off and on. It is a more a form of expression than a chosen career path; however, I want to try and develop it and I view this as one way of testing pieces that I am working on.

I appreciate comments and feedback. I hope you enjoy!

Thanks.